Little.

Despite my efforts to keep them little, my kids just keep on growing. Whoever coined the term “growing like weeds” got it so right. They certainly are beautiful weeds, though. I feel pulled in different directions constantly throughout the day, but the craziness often feels good. I have two little people who depend on me, who really need me, and I’ll never stop being thankful that I’m the one they turn to for their seemingly endless list of demands. There are so many things that just don’t get done these days, and it’s taken me almost 10 months of trying and failing to realize it’s okay, my focus is in the right place.

Sometimes I feel a little panicked when I think about Gracie and how quickly she’s moved through her first year of pre-school. Only one more year and she'll be getting ready to start kindergarten. This thought is great for slowing me down and inspiring me to provide her all the “mommy days” experiences I can. She loves pre-school, but I can tell that she really enjoys the balance of being with her friends and teachers, but also her mommy and brother during the week. There are moments when I see a 14 year old instead of an almost 4 year old in her face, but she is still such a baby to me, despite what she may think.

(The Easter Bunny thought they would need new sunglasses for our beach trip in May!)

Ethan has wasted no time at all in becoming a very mobile, babbling boy. His newest thing is to mimic what we say to him. He’s really good at mimicking the beginning sounds of words, like the “du” in “duck”, but he’ll also try to repeat Gracie’s silly songs and sounds. Still no “mama”, but I can be patient since I know that sweet sound is coming. We just moved the swing out of his room last night. It hasn’t been used in well over a month, if not longer, but having it sitting there was a strange comfort to me, like I could still put him in it if I wanted to. Now that it’s gone, he has more room to play, but I have to accept that he’s too big for the swing and bouncer now… He’s a baby, but he gets around, shares his opinion, and hates laying still for diaper changes. I never knew 10 months could pass so quickly.

It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I have two birthdays to celebrate very soon; Gracie in May, Ethan in June. I'll be mommy to a 4 year old and 1 year old, when it seems that Gracie just turned 3 and Ethan should still be a newborn. Instead of being sad about all this growing, I'm trying really hard to embrace it and use that bittersweet emotion to keep me in the present, enjoying each step along the way. I know that one day I'm really, really going to miss them being little.