I'm Back.

Life has changed so much since my last entry in June 2020. I could never have imagined then what the remainder of that year would look like for our family and everyone else in the world. It was a year of isolation and worry, frustration and heartbreak.

Our family was able to manage the shutdowns, social distancing from family and friends, and the terrible masking to the best of our ability. We were able to escape the strangeness around us and focus on the opportunity in front of us. We social distanced on the lake and at the beach together as a family throughout that summer. The water is such a source of peace for us, so this was a gift during such an uncertain time. We kept our circle small and only saw a few family members during this time. It all seems so surreal looking back.

The hardest part of the entire Covid experience for me was the forced separation from my precious Granny. Her dementia made it very difficult to explain to her why we weren't able to hug her, hold her hand, or stay and visit a while. It was excruciatingly painful, especially during the months when the only way to see her was through the glass of a window. Knowing that if she were able to choose, she would rather hug her family than survive Covid, there were many times when we broke rules and held her hand and kissed her cheeks. We would risk admonishment from the well-meaning assisted living staff in order to grab her and hug her tightly, as if it might be the last time. 

We all survived, mostly unscathed. I still carry feelings of immense regret over the precious time that was stolen from us and sadness when I recall the constant fear I lived in, afraid that my grandmother would forget me while we waited for freedom. I can say with full confidence that I would rather be with my people and have the Lord take me home than live separated like that ever again. 

Covid aside, our family has experienced so much change. Ethan is almost 12 years old and is in the 5th grade. Gracie is almost 15 years old and started high school this school year. It's funny that at almost 40, I'm still figuring life out myself, discovering who I am and who I want to be. It's for this reason that I am returning to my writing space. I've missed it so much. Life gets so busy, and I've neglected a part of myself that has been calling out to be remembered. I love creating with words. I have so many random thoughts hastily typed out in my Notes app on my phone, so I'm excited to take a deep breath and revisit an actual keyboard. These words are for my children, who I hope will read them someday, and these words are for me, as I continue to treasure the beauty of these blessed moments.